M“ eet Gary Gould. He’s 46 years old. Gould has found himself caught in a five year struggle to locate and publish as many vanity plates as he can.
“From the most matter-of-fact plates to the wild and outrageous, he finds himself unable to give up his quest, his obsession — even though he is unable to find all these plates faster than the state can produce new ones.
“Today he’ll wage this battle again — in the Twilight Zone.”
At times it feels like the Twilight Zone, or like the movie Ground Hog Day where I keep repeating the same day over and over. But the supply of vanity plates never seems to dry up, so I keep bringing them to you for your reading pleasure.
• CAR CAR — Maybe there was an echo in the room when this person just asked for a plate that said CAR. I don’t know, I just think saying CAR once was pretty straight and to the point. That would be a very simple vanity plate — just have it say CAR.
• MRVO1VO — I was passed the other day by an older (and rather loud) Volvo and it was sporting this plate. I guess the numeral “1” is supposed to be the letter L. I’ve never been fond of Volvos, but if this guy thinks they’re No. 1, then more power to him.
• KNOCKOUT — I think this is one my son, Sam, found for me. I don’t know what kind of car it was attached to but I’m guessing the “knockout” is the car and not the driver. Could work for either a man or woman — the man if he’s an exceptional boxing pro and the woman if she’s very attractive — but I’m going with it belonging to a muscle car or something similar.
• 1-FOUR-X — Another person in love with their automobile. This one was a sharp Mazda 14X. I don’t really get the originality of putting the type of car on your vanity plate. We can see it’s a Mazda 14X or a Volvo. Don’t tell us what it is, tell us what it can do.
• GOTROOT — Not sure what this means. Reminds me of the dairy association commercials for “Got Milk.” This can be for someone who eats all-natural foods perhaps. Maybe a “Got Root” ad campaign where the celebrity eats a root from the ground and is left with a dirt mustache? Just a thought.
• STREAMN — Another one leaving me scratching my head. Someone who is into fly fishing — you know, out in a stream with waders on? Or maybe an Internet guru who is streaming video?
• DDLOVR — I saved this one for last because, well frankly, I’m not sure what it means. My mind immediately wants to go to the gutter with this one and … OK, yeah, it’s in the gutter. For crying out loud, take your plate and get a room!
I’ve decided this is a good place to leave this entry of vanity plates. There’s a signpost up ahead, it’s showing you the way out. But like an episode of the Twilight Zone, you’re doomed to go back on the road in search of more vanity plates to write about.
So, until next time, good night.