No resolutions this year
Last year around this time I wrote a column mentioning my New Year’s Resolution for 2010. I thought about doing the same this year, but decided my success rate last year on that one resolution was pretty grim. Lose weight, that’s all I resolved to do last year and I didn’t make it happen.
So this year I think I’m going to stick to more simple resolution, one’s that will be easier to keep:
I’m not going to take up smoking. Yep, haven’t smoked ever in my nearly 44 years and I’m pretty confident I won’t start any time soon. No yellowed teeth, no smelling like an ashtray and I won’t have to deal with that pesky no smoking in bars and restaurants thing.
Stop dwelling on the past — I’m not going to mope about things that happened in the past this year, instead I’m going to worry about the future. No sense reliving all the mistakes I’ve made. Instead I’m going to give myself ulcers worrying about things that haven’t even happened yet.
Cut back on laundry — doing laundry all the time costs money, so I’m thinking it might be cheaper to just buy more deodorant. Less detergent, less electricity, less water use and I’ll still smell good.
Work on a better retirement plan — I’m thinking maybe playing the lottery more often. I’m bound to eventually hit the jackpot, right? Then it’s easy street for me.
Clean my house more often — Vacuuming, dusting, washing dishes. Yes, those are things I need to start doing at the old bachelor pad. Got to stop growing science projects in the fridge and get a basket to put my dirty clothes in so they aren’t in a pile on the floor.
No more Mountain Dew
— OK, that was definitely a joke. That one’s not happening this year.
I will try to treat my cousin’s dog better — I live with what I call a stalker, my roommate/ cousin’s year old
This dog follows me around the house day and night. She attacks me when I least expect it. She goes outside and barks at nothing, to my aggravation. She chews up my kid’s toys when he leaves them on the floor. She is just atrocious. I need to resolve to be nicer to her. I will try not to yell at her as often. I will stop leaving her out too long in the cold when he annoys me. I will stop telling her we all got together and voted her out of the house, so she should go pack her bags. I will stop giving her obscene gestures when she barks at me.
Stop subjecting readers to my sense of humor — it’s warped and dark sometimes, folks, so I’ll try not use it in my columns too often. I hope I was able to at least make you grin a little.
I guess if there’s one think I will seriously try to do this year is laugh a little more. 2010 wasn’t a very funny year by any means, so I’m hoping there’s a lot to smile and laugh about in 2011.