When I first started in this business I worked with an editor who used to write a satirical column he called his “current events quiz.”
Over the years I’ve seen other writers take a stab at the same sort of thing and decided this week to give it a whirl myself.
So how is your knowledge of current affairs?:
What recently happened to Libyan leader Muammar Gaddafi?
A. He celebrated the receipt of his 100,000th like on his Facebook page.
B. He was overthrown and killed by his people.
C. He was awarded Man of the Year by his people.
Why is GOP presidential candidate Herman Cain under fire in the media?
A. He’s dating Kim Kardashian.
B. He butchered the John Lennon song Imagine by turning it into a pizza jingle back in his pizza-company CEO days.
C. He’s (allegedly) sexually-harassed more women than Bill Clinton and Clarence Thomas together.
Why did Bank of America eliminate a plan to charge its debit card users $5 a month?
A. It gave in to pressure by customers.
B. It will wait a year and hope the Occupy Wall Street movement fizzles so it can charge $10 a month.
C. It’s about time for a big government bail-out, so they no longer need the extra cash.
Former Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin recently announced she will not seek the Republican nomination to run for president in 2012 because?
A. There’s better money in reality TV, books and speaking engagements.
B. She already destroyed the GOP’s chances to get elected in the 2008 race.
C. She didn’t want to be “shackled” by being a candidate, because she’s a “maverick.”
Michelle and Jim Bob Duggar of the TLC reality show “19 Kids and Counting” just announced what?
A. They’ve run out of names starting with “J” to name their children so they will be moving on to “K” now.
B. They ultimately plan to produce enough offspring to found their own town.
C. They are expecting their 20th child.
What happened Tuesday when an aircraft carriersized asteroid passed within 200,000 miles of Earth?
B. Activists decided against an Occupy Asteroid campaign.
C. Cosmic radiation turned us all into brain-dead zombies — oh wait, that was the latest season of Jersey Shore.
The Supreme Court expressed concern this week after the government argued for allowing secret GPS tracking of suspects because why?
A. It’s a violation of our rights.
B. It’s morally and ethically wrong.
C. It’s too much like the George Orwell book “1984.”
D. All of the above.
17-year-old pop star Justin Bieber was accused of what this week?
A. Single-handedly ruining the music industry.
B. Fathering a child with an older woman.
C. Long surpassing his 15-minutes of fame.
(Gary Gould is the managing editor. Contact him at 810-452-2650 or by e-mail at email@example.com.)