With the arrival of spring, people are bringing out those cars to which they have attached the funniest vanity plates you could ask for. Whether you fancy yourself a silent assassin who moves in the middle of the night, or a superhero, billionaire, genius who flies around in a suit of armor, there’s a plate here for just about everyone.
Here’s my latest offering:
VPNINJA — He moves with great cunning and silence, creeping up on his prey and striking before they know he’s even there. He moves unseen in the darkness, ready to move in for the kill — or to sign a set of legal papers without ever wrinkling his expensive suit. That’s the danger of taking on the VPNINJA, part executive company man, part assassin.
UTAPOUT — I had to read this one several times to decide what it was, at times thinking it was the name of the planet this driver believes he’s from. But then it hit me like an angry mixed martial arts fighter … he’s saying “you Tapout.” Tapout of course being the point in an MMA fight where one opponent has the other in a hold he can’t escape from and his alternatives are to go unconscious or surrender with a tapout.
SSYPNTZ — This one is “sissy pants” I think. Not exactly the vanity plate for a ninja or an MMA fighter, but still amusing nonetheless. Was this a nickname the driver was dubbed with back in grade school or the driver’s way of saying “don’t direct your road rage at me, or I might cry.”
GIGITY — If you like the cartoon “Family Guy” then you’ve heard this phrase before. It belongs to the character Quagmire and generally indicates his enthusiasm toward relations with someone of the opposite sex. So I will conclude the driver of this car fancies the ladies and he isn’t afraid to show it … gigity, gigity, gigity!
SSXPRES — This one stumps me still, even after reading it over and over off a sticky note attached to the cabinet above my desk. Is it “SS Express” which makes me question if “SS” is perhaps Social Security? Or is it a SSX President (possibly he serves with the VPNINJA)? And what does SSX mean? Is it “super sexy?” This plate needs explaining, I didn’t get the memo.
BWHNTER — Someone who takes his bow hunting seriously. I had to look over at this driver and make sure it wasn’t Ted Nugent heading somewhere to bag a buck, or to insult a segment of the population with another of his political rants.
ROLRMOM — I’m going to guess this driver, a woman and mother, likes to strap on a pair of skates and show off her rollerskating prowess to the tune of ‘Disco Inferno’ at the nearest skating rink. Add gym shorts, a KISS T-shirt and a sweatband wrapped around her head and you’ve got ROLRMOM. Burn baby, burn!
MR. STARK — Slapped across the backside of a Dodge Charger speeding down the highway, to me it’s an obvious reference to the main character in the Iron Man comics and movies, Tony Stark. What would be appropriate now is a bumper sticker that says: “My other car is a flying suit of armor.”